Ok, so this is the first time I’ve written a really personal blog so I should probably begin with the usual caveats:
Blogs are opinion pieces, and this blog is my opinion on the subject of depression, based on years of my own experience as well as talking to others and working at one time in an environment where depression and anxiety were hot topics. But depression is very personal, so you have to decide for yourself what the best course of action for you, personally, is.
Now that my personal liability is covered (I hope) let’s just get straight into it with a big statement.
DEPRESSION IS NOT A MENTAL ILLNESS!
That’s right. And what I mean by that is, if you are depressed, there’s nothing wrong with you. You are not weird. You are not broken. You are not a freak. You’re a human being. And you’re probably a pretty good human being, if you care enough to be feeling depressed.
Depression can be caused by many things: personal circumstances (other people’s treatment of you, life not panning out the way you wanted, a tragic event, your own vulnerabilities, health, etc), an inability to cope with things out of our control or that we can’t comprehend (the universe, wtf, right? And how could people possibly vote for that president? What’s wrong with them?). There are loads more reasons and examples of course but you get the idea.
Firstly, I’d like to point out that there is a difference between “feeling a bit down” and having depression, which is usually far more serious. When someone has depression, motivating yourself to even leave your home can be extremely difficult, let alone interacting with other people as if everything is “normal”. Depression can make you not want to be alive anymore. I’ve been there, it’s a dark place.
Ok, so what can we do about it? What did I do about it?
Well, we can take medication but I would strongly advise against it. Yes, I know that’s a controversial statement but you’ve got to think, what’s my motivation in saying that? Do I want to hurt people? Or do I want to help? I’m proud to say I’ve never been on anti-depressants and you can think that’s because I’ve not ever been that bad if you want but the truth is there was a long period (I’m talking years, not days) where I didn’t want to be alive. For me, taking medication would have been like lying to myself. And I just don’t think that’s a cure for anything.
If you have taken medication or are on it now, don’t worry! I’m not judging. I’d just like to give you some other suggestions. There’s a number of things I would recommend before resorting to any medication for depression (which usually have other negative side-effects). Here they are:
- Find the root cause of the problem.
If it’s circumstantial, is there something you can change? Are you being honest with yourself? I know, for me, pride and defensiveness were two of the main things hindering my recovery. Sure, there were reasons I’d become that way but when I started accepting my weaknesses, I realised they really weren’t a big deal. Everybody has weaknesses. Maybe you’re aware of the reasons and there’s nothing you can do about it? Fine, but don’t give up!
2. Try…
You do have to try. I know it’s hard, honestly I do. But another big mistake I made was waiting around for someone else to save me and then feeling worse when they didn’t. A big realisation I made was that it isn’t other people’s responsibility to help you. Sure, we have a responsibility to be kind to each other but, actually, many people are dealing with their own stuff and they just want to be happy too. So we have a responsibility to ourselves, as well as others to keep trying. And, I don’t know about you, but I’ve gained so much confidence and self-belief from being able to cope with things by myself. It’s one of the reasons I’m able to pursue this writing dream.
3. …to be positive.
Again, it’s easy to say that but in practice very difficult. When we’re depressed, our minds have a tendency to focus on those negative things but we have to find positive things to think about too. It’s not about lying to yourself, or faking something, it’s just a choice. I can choose to keep obsessing about the negatives or I can try to think about the positives, or even create some for myself.
4. Laugh.
This might be the last thing you feel like doing. But I actually read a blog recently explaining what happens, chemically, in your body when you laugh. Basically, it leads to more positive thoughts. Try sticking on YouTube and search for “Try not to laugh challenge”. See how long you last. I dare you. And let me know if it makes you feel better.
5. Exercise
You’ll hear this a lot because it’s true. Exercising releases endorphins that make you feel good. Exercise has given me so much confidence over the years and mostly because it’s tough. It’s tough for everyone, even athletes. That’s what gives you the confidence. Knowing you got out there and did it, despite every part of you screaming not to go out in the cold, or do another push-up. If you have a disability that prevents you from exercising, just try getting outside if you can, somewhere beautiful, away from cities. See if it helps.
6. Eat healthily
This is one of the main things most people struggle with but listen to me very carefully. We are animals. We need certain foods, we don’t need others. Eating bad stuff has a negative effect on the body. Fortunately, our bodies are pretty robust so it’s absolutely ok to treat yourself occasionally. Just try to clean it up a bit ok?
7. Talk about it.
It’s ok to talk about it. We are all human. Most people will understand but just don’t talk about it ALL THE TIME. You don’t want to be that person who nobody wants to hang out with because they bring everyone else down. People I’ve worked with in the past know that I’m very open about my feelings. I’m sure some people would rather I wasn’t sometimes but on the whole it’s led to really strong bonds with my colleagues. I’m still in touch with people from every job that I’ve had, which is how I know (go away self-doubt)! And what new people need to understand is that I haven’t always been that way. Quite the opposite in fact. It’s a development process.
Ok, I think that’s more than enough to start with.
I’ll finish how I began. If you are suffering from really serious depression, or even if you’re just feeling down, please try at least some of the above and see what works for you. I’m not saying do it all on your own. I’ve always needed other, good, people around me. But doing some positive things for yourself will make you stronger in the long run (note to self – go for a long run).
Alternatively, if you think I’m a complete idiot (which is fine by the way, that’s the great thing about opinions), then you can find more advice here:
https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/a-to-z/d/depression
https://www.nhs.uk/Tools/Pages/depression.aspx
Now go watch one of those YouTube videos, and feel free to comment below –https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LvdlaF_YyBo&t
A.J. Austin
theinnerlands.com 